In the latest episode of Expansive Intimacy with Jim Young, guest Alec Wons shows an old dog (Jim, the GenX-er) that younger dogs (GenZ-ers) can learn tricks a lot faster. Across topics such as admitting to people-pleasing behavior in romantic relationships, and investing the time to examine how to grow into a healthier version of himself through therapy, Alec reveals that some old stigmas that hold men back from enjoying intimacy are falling away.
The Art of Advocacy in Relationships
Listen in for Alec’s revelation about advocating for his needs by erecting healthy boundaries. The shift in his relationships were dramatic when he embraced disagreements as opportunities for growth rather than conflict.
The Power of Therapy and Embracing Help
Throughout the conversation, Alec highlights the stigma that surrounds men seeking therapy—a stigma he's determined to shatter. By sharing their own experiences with therapy, both Alec and Jim highlighted the strength and confidence they gained by allowing themselves to be vulnerable and ask for help.
The Importance of Connecting
Alec delves into the dual edged nature of today’s technology–how it creates immense possibilities for connection, while simultaneously dampening the feeling of true connection. He also shares some lessons he’s learned about how to use tech tools, like social media, to practice the skills needed for IRL interactions.
Finding Solitude and Building Emotional Intelligence
"Conquer Yourself," Alec’s book, came from a period of post-college self-reflection and isolation. He celebrates the merits of therapy and solitude for achieving inner calm, offering a glimpse into his practices, including early morning workouts and reading.
Facing the End of a Career–at 20 Years Old!
Alec recounts his moment of dread when facing the end of his college soccer career due to arthritis. Check out how he turned his fear of that vulnerable moment into a reservoir of support and respect from others, illustrating the transformative power of sharing one's challenges.
On the the precious nature of relationships:
"It's a privilege to be in a relationship. It should be two independent individuals who choose each other, who compliment each other and support and uplift each other."
On the value of vulnerability:
“One of the scariest moments in my life was when I developed arthritis at the age of 20 in college and I had to stop playing soccer. I literally went from being a member of the team to possibly not being included at all. I eventually ended up becoming the manager of the team to stay close to some friends, which is obviously a drop in status. I wondered, ‘Are they going to treat me the same? Are they going to view me the same?’ And I was very scared to open up about that. But as soon as I did, I was surrounded with love, I was surrounded with support.”
On the courage it takes to go first with the men in your life:
“It's a little more rare for guys to actually open up to each other when a lot of the guys are thinking and feeling the exact same thing. And you have no idea if your buddy's going through something. So it's almost like, we just try and normalize that [silence] in a way. If you want to see a change, be the one to start making that change yourself.”
Connect with Alec:
Personal Website w/ Links to Books: https://conqueryourself.co
More About Alec:
Alec Wons is a 2x Author, Entrepreneur, Coach and Sales Professional. Alec preaches that the key to improving the relationship with yourself and with others is to consistently practice solitude, gratitude, and empathy. Spending time with yourself, appreciating what you have in your life and being able to connect with others on a deeper level will bring you endless happiness and success. Will everything always go as planned? Mostly not, however, developing a healthy and caring relationship with yourself allows you to swiftly navigate life's curve balls. Alec is an avid reader, cook, and fitness junkie who loves spending time out in nature. He enjoys connecting with others and meeting new people, so feel free to reach out!
Question for Listeners:
Who is one person that you can think of right now who might find this episode helpful? Go ahead… send them a link. You might just strike up a new and meaningful conversation with them while you’re at it!
The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Media
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds
Editing & Production Services by JRS Young (my son).