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Expansive Intimacy EP07: On Shame, Fear & Rejection with Nico Boesten

“Now that you know what you know, what do you think of me?”

Nico Boesten asked his late father that question in a dream. It's a question that might lay at the center of intimacy itself. His father was an important modeler of vulnerability in Nico’s life and early on he showed Nico how to create a safe space for intimate exchanges.

Too many men, Nico and Jim agree “should on themselves,” or act in a way they think they are supposed to show up as men instead of being who they truly are. On the other side of the fear of opening up, and the shame of our darkest secrets, lies relief and lightness.

Nico tells a powerful, deeply touching story of Ingrid, his late wife, whom he lost to cancer after 14 years of marriage. The way he chose to cope emotionally with her illness in the months leading up to her death remains one of his few regrets in life. He explains his reasoning and the stunning way his wife responded.

Nico insists that intimacy is a choice, and trust, especially as he moves forward in life, is paramount.

In addition to his coaching practice, Nico uses music to bring important conversations to life. Referring to it as medicine, he describes its powers to heal both the player and the listener and to draw a connection between people.


“We've all got a little boy or a little girl inside of us that's kind of like, ‘Man, this is this is f***ing hard.’” (8:46-8:54 | Jim)
“To bring it to the God perspective, I just believe that we are a part of something a lot bigger…Just relax, you don't have to prove anything.’” (10:19-10:49 | Nico)
“Let me tell you about how I was shitty and how my wife was just rock solid.” (24:55-25:03 | Nico)
“I believe intimacy is a choice, 100%.” (31:39-31:44 | Nico)
“Have that hard conversation. Because after it, you're going to feel so much lightness. Now, okay, it's all on the table. There's nothing to hide.” (37:25-37:40 | Nico)

Show Links

Connect with Nico Boesten:

Connect with Jim Young:

The Men's Expansive Intimacy Project:

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The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.


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