“We can be close without being intimate.”
Elizabeth Solomon, certified emotional intelligence coach, describes that this is often evident in the workplace where colleagues can share physical space for years and not ever know each other.
Listen in for the moving story Elizabeth shares from a team building session she led recently, whereby one woman developed a newfound and fierce loyalty to her CEO of over a decade after he finally showed vulnerability. She explains how to “set the container” for these types of sessions, and the mathematical equation for intimacy building that she borrows from professor David Bradford, author of the book “Connect.”
Just as important is being mindful of others’ boundaries and to show them grace, which is half of Jim’s formula for intimacy. People come from many different personal and cultural starting points and we must be conscious of that. Equally important is our need for self-awareness–which Elizabeth explains is the basis of emotional intelligence–from how our triggers make us feel physically, to the stories we attach to them versus objective truth.
Elizabeth and Jim discuss how shame colors our interpersonal relationships, interactions and experiences. In addition, Elizabeth explores how we can hold fast to our boundaries while still having empathy for the people who violate them.
“David Bradford, who's at Stanford, wrote a book called ‘Connect.’ And he talks about intimacy building in this rule of 15% where he talks about how we build intimacy with another person, which is one person takes a step that's 15% outside of their comfort zone. Then the next person matches that 15% and takes it 15% further, and that's kind of the premise of relationship building.” (14:50 | Elizabeth)
“There's this other meta skill that's going on as the facilitator. I think it's a huge skill in terms of how we build intimacy that just came together as you were talking. It's intuition plus risk plus grace…I totally can make room for that and let us come back to it later on, if that's the right thing to do.” (17:20 | Jim)
“Thomas Hübl, who does a lot of work in intergenerational trauma amongst many other things… says, ‘Connection is, I feel you feeling me. I feel you feeling me.’ And I love that.” (18:31 | Elizabeth)
“The foundation of emotional intelligence rests with self-awareness.” (21:14 | Elizabeth)
“How do we have boundaries and have empathy? When someone commits a perpetrative act, how do we not write that person off?” (31:55 | Elizabeth)
Connect with Elizabeth Solomon
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The views expressed are that of the individual and do not represent the opinions of any companies past, present or future.
Intro Music: Catch It by Coma- Medi
Outro Music: Upbeat Funky Retro by QubeSounds